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Netapp: Really!?! (A nexenta response)

One of our competitors, NetApp, got me thinking. One of my favorite sketches on Saturday Night Live is "Really!?! With Seth And Amy" (now with only Seth). In it, head SNL writer Seth Meyers calls some public figure to tasks for outlandish statements. Consider this small episode related to former Governor Eliot Spitzer's downfall.

Netapp's recent Campaign on having the number #1 market share falls into this category. The ad has someone looking surprised (I am being generous), and saying "NetApp Data OnTap is the worlds #1 Storage OS? Yep, Netapp."  When you look for their reference, it says NetApp Internal Documents. 

See one of the ads below:

Netapp Dude (from Nexenta)

Really, NetApp? Really?!? 

How can you consider yourself a operating systems when you only run on SPECIFIC HARDWARE. YOURS. You are no more an operating system than the code that runs my voip phone. And I have no idea what that is. Really!?! NexentaStor runs on scads of different hardware setups. You can see some of these setups on our page for "Certified Systems" and see our list of certified parts here. NexentaStor gives customers choice. Not just choice of hardware, but also choice of suppliers as well, since we have over 250+ resellers, many of whom make their own products based on NexentaStor, like PogoStorage, Aberdeen, Nordisk, Silicon Mechanics, Racktop, and others. 

And Really?! World's number one? Nexenta has over 72,000 installs and we manage, conservatively 1.5EB (that's ExaBytes to you, the one larger than Petabytes), and we've only been doing this since 2009. Really?!

And Really?! Storage OS? Based on what? Your proprietary code from the 1990s called and said it needed a break because its getting old. Seriously. NexentaStor is based on an operating system designed and build in this millenium, with all the modern main-line features build in for free. No upsell, no nickle and dime. Just functionality.

And Really?! "Internal documents?" I have internal source document that say NexentaStor has 300% fewer calories than Data OnTap.  I have internal source document that say NexentaStor has  no cholesterol.  I have internal source document that say NexentaStor weighs 50% less than Data OnTap. Internal documents? Seriously? You couldn't find one external reference? Really!?! 

Finally: Really!?! You couldn't even handle a website doing fantasy football during week 10 of the NFL season? Really? My guess is you'll explode during the Super Bowl at this rate. (It would be cool to watch, but then I like explosions). It was pretty embarassing when, after the "Filer" story was announced HERE, your own customer threw you under the bus in such a grand and glorious way. Ouch.

How do we know its you? You tweeted it back in July:

@NetApp: @Yahoo Fantasy Football pushed savings even further down-field w/ NetApp storage providing a 40% reduction in power#InnovationAwards12

Look, Netapp, you can put a tutu on a pig and it still ain't gonna dance. Netapp, Not really. No, Netapp, not really.

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More Stories By Bill Roth

Bill Roth is a Silicon Valley veteran with over 20 years in the industry. He has played numerous product marketing, product management and engineering roles at companies like BEA, Sun, Morgan Stanley, and EBay Enterprise. He was recently named one of the World's 30 Most Influential Cloud Bloggers.